Sunday, January 29, 2006

dilema tugas akhir

semester baru bentar lagi dimulai, dan gua makin gundah gulana. ih..
ambil ta gak ya semester ini?
AMBIL TA GAK YA???
dari beberapa hari yang lalu gua mikirin itu terus, terus, terus.. ampe bingung sendiri. talk to some people, jiwa, nuy, djuki, semua ngasih solusi yang beda2. jadi bikin tambah bingung..
jadi gua memutuskan untuk melihat isi hati kecil gua... (dih..), dan setelah dilihat-lihat, sebenernya gua bingung. nah kan gak memberikan solusi!
tapi ini beberapa kendala kenapa gua gak mau ta:
1. gua merasa gua belum siap. entah perasaan gua aja ato emang belum siap. gak ngerti.
2. gua jenuh, penat dan mulai muak sama kuliah (not an excuse, but well...)
3. gua pengen 'bernafas' sebentar.
4. i need sometime figuring out what i'm gonna do with my life. kadang2, kata 'lulus' freak me out.
5. gua pengen nulis novel lagi.
6. gua pengen ngebenerin amazing business.

dan ini beberapa alasan kenapa gua harus ta:
1. papa mama pasti pengen aku cepet lulus.
2. kenapa gak ta? toh gua udah kp.
3. seneng kan lulus duluan dibanding orang2 lain?
4. bisa cepet2 s2 lagi.
5. mungkin bisa lebih serius di amazing business begitu lulus.
6. lulus bareng nuy.

dan itulah dilema gua.
sungguh pertimbangan2 yang gak penting...
ah.. pengen balik ke masa2 dimana gua gak harus bertanggung jawab sama hidup gua. (loh?)
apa emang gua pengecut aja, makanya gak mau ngambil ta? maybe.. yang jelas gua gak mau gagu begitu di sidang ama dosen2. gua pengen 100% siap. dan sekarang? 1 bulan lagi sebelum preview 1, dan konsep pun gua belum punya! gak mateng banget....

and there's another things.. gua pengen nulis novel.
I know it sounds selfish.. tapi gua emang bener2 pengen.
bukannya gua gak pengen ta, tapi gua pengen ta yang mateng..pengen bener2 siap. dan gua heran kenapa gua ragu-ragu sekarang? sebulan yang lalu gua masih yakin banget gua bakal ta. sekarang? oh god..

sutra! sekarang ngomongin yang seneng2!
btw, sekarang Seven jualan dvd juga, dan tempatnya lebih asik daripada vertex. dvdnya dipajang rapi, ruangannya lebih lega, dan gak banyak yang ngantri, menyenangkan. kemarin jumat gua kesana sama jiwa. beli 25th hour, Howl's Moving Castle, Kissing Jessica Stein, Elizabeth Town, ma Red Eye.
semuanya lumayan, Kissing Jessica Stein ternyata tentang cewek yang gak yakin dia lebi ato straight, tapi ternyata filmnya rame juga.
btw, di endingnya ada lagu yang sama seperti di ending film Prime. cari ah, lagunya enak banget. I wish you love.

Posted by chita at 6:28 PM | | Comments

Thursday, January 19, 2006

keeping the faith

recently, i had a big fight with my boyfriend.
there was screamin, a lot of tears and eventually a very,very bad headache.
and right there i was just thinkin, while he was looking angry, that i love him so much and nothing, nothing can make me give up on this relationship.

funny sometimes, but it is the way it is.
i love him and thats the reason we had this fight. i just love him so much.
sometimes, we have a high expectation from our partners and thats okay, but when things not going the way we expect, we get angry. and i was angry with him. i was wrong.

i really hate comparing him to another man, my friends boyfriend, my sister boyfriend. and i hate myself more when i thought that he just not enough. because he do. he enough and he's more, more than enough. but sometimes i was so blind i cant see it. it is because my high expectation.

my friend told me, that her boyfriend was always there for her. 24/7. he always put her first on everything. and i know she felt sorry for me cause my guy dont. and its okay for her to do cause that time i felt sorry for myself too.

but then i realised how wrong i am. my boyfriend was always,always,always be there for me. and he doesnt need to put me first on everything he does, cause i'm the queen of her heart, and thats enough. he's not always there, not around 24/7. but then again, i dont need him 24/7, i dont need him to be always there, i dont need to make sure to myself that he'll be there for me. i dont need his presence to prove his love for me.

long before this, i always thought. i dont need a man to make me happy. i am capable of make myself happy. and i was half right. i dont need my bf to make me enjoy the day, but when his around, he make my day super.

i still have an expectation. but i tried to keep it low, i know he have an expectation on me too. i work on it. we both work on it.

and at some point, i know we're going to make it work. not because i love him and he love me, cause sometimes love just not enough.
its because i have faith in him and he have faith in me.

Posted by chita at 6:04 PM | | Comments

di warnet bersama jiwa

lagi di atheroz nih, nungguin jiwa ngedownload game soccer ga pentz..huh..
ba, makan yuk ba..
laper!!!
udah deh, buf you!
film berikut yang wajib ditonton: memoirs of a geisha! (jiwa kok ngorok?!) ayo! pokoknya kita harus nonton!

Posted by chita at 1:00 AM | | Comments

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

tanggal 16 januari

ada apa dengan tanggal 16 januari? itu adalah deadline gua!!
porto studio beserta maket.
laporan kerja praktek.
kolokium.
ha.ha.ha.
ya ampyun.. mana bisa gua selesein semua?!
huh..
huhhh...
pengen nonton memoirs of a geisha! btw, gua udah nonton kingkong! rame2 banget nontonnya. ma jiwa, fahril dan nuy, sara ma bayu (thanks udah diantriin tiket), abi, duto, vina dan demulnya.
filmnya seru banget! harus nonton!
ada kejadian menyebalkan sekaligus menggelikan di bsm. pengen cerita disini, tapi kalo ada pihak-pihak yang tersinggung kan susye.. hehehe...
next movie: memoirs of a geisha! on cinema 12 january. (omygod, deadline gua pa kabar dunia?)
hihh menyebalkan.
btw, sekarang lagi ngerjain ceiling plan untuk denah khusus gua. boriiiiiing...

Posted by chita at 7:14 PM | | Comments